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Ian_Cheah
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Name: Ian
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Birthday: 7/13/1990
Gender: Male
Interests: Guitars, Computers, BB, and G to the O to the D Baby!!
Expertise: I'm pretty good at fixing computers and helping out in computer related things, I play the guitar pretty well... of course if you're a guitarist you'll probably say "PFFT... I can do THAT." But whatever. I try to do my best in things, but sometimes I screw up.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
MSN: khristpursuit@hotmail.com
Member Since:
12/30/2005
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| http://iancheah.blogspot.com/
Now moved. Go.
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| Kay, time to update.
Ok, so I have been thinking lately and I have realized that I have become really cynical lately.
I don't care.
I don't care about a lot of things. I don't care about being left out, I don't care about missing things, I don't care about being ignored... I just don't care...
I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But, I don't really care if I am being neglected or ignored so... I guess I don't need to be cared for anymore?
Seriously... I remember when I used to get really depressed when I was left out of things, but now, I could be forgotten and I wouldn't care...
This scares me because I don't know what happened to trigger this... I used to get hurt when someone forgot to call me to go out for dinner, and now, I don't care...
Cynicism, the cure to emoness XD If you don't care, you can't get hurt right?
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| I just got back from Awards camp, not feeling too good emotionally right now but I'll post about it in my honest opinion. Alrighty then, here's my update on Awards Camp 2008.
I didn't really want to go for this camp in the beginning, nobody else was going... well, besides my brothers and Christine. But eventually Mdm Mag convinced me to go because she needed a male SSGT to watch over our ever so hyper and crazy boys. So I went. I think that may have been a bad decision right now.
So the first day was the survival camp part, where we took the members into the jungle and had them cook food in bamboo and stuff. I learned quiet a bit from that, like how to cook rice in a plastic bottle XD didn't think that was physically possible...
Anyway, there were 3 helpers from our company in this camp, Matthias, Eunice and myself. So we were there to assist the ex-military instructors and the 3rd KL officer and his SGT. I was all for this as I like helping out in camps. I personally also wanted to see how our boys and girls did in such a hard camp XD. So anyway, the survival camp went well, all of them survived relatively unscathed, save for Sean Joel and Matthew. Both of those noobs cut their fingers... at the same time... Sean was cutting some wood for Eunice when he slipped the knife and cut his finger. It was quiet amusing as he didn't seem to mind the pain and was all, "I cut my finger... *sit down* I cut my finger..." heh, quiet funny.
So anyway the second day was Kayaking and compass marching day. The kayaking was good, except that a lot of the members were a bit hard of hearing and we needed to repeat ourselves a lot. Then they had their theory calss and knots tying. We went to the room to discuss that nights fellowship time. we ended up all taking naps XD. We woke up in time to go to town with Mr. Yong to have some tea at a mamak and buy some things. When we got back, they had just finished their Compass walk and were getting ready for dinner. That night we played some games during fellowship time and finished off with their oral test and knots test.
Third day was their kayaking test. They did well and all passed. Then there was ab sailing. This was something I looked forward too because I had never done it before. It was kinda scary but really fun. Then they had their Nature Awareness walk. They had to walk about 3 kilometers to town and find SGT Tiang. During the walk back, I had some time to talk to Christine about something that was pressing on my heart for almost a month. I told her what I felt and I can only hope she took it seriously and will respect what I told her. The day then ended with them taking their theory test. They really stressed about it but it was all for no reason as the test was really easy. Then, it being the last night, the members were allowed to stay up and just mingle around. I don't know what happened, but I noticed Eunice, Sean and Christine treating me... a little strangely.
Through this camp, there were five of us that hung out together. We were Matthias, Sean Joel, Eunice, Christine and myself. We tried to hang out as often as possible. Or at least... I think we did. It was mainly Eunice, Christine and Sean. Me and Matthias were just there coz we had no one else to talk to most of the time. So we were a group and tried to spend meal times and free times together. The first 3 days were good, right until the night of the third night...
The fourth day was pure torture. I woke up feeling sad and betrayed by my friends... And to make things worse, they didn't even say hi when we saw each other. I didn't know what I did. I didn't know why they were treating me the way they were. I tried to be nice to them and talk but I felt that there was some animosity toward me.
I really don't like it when people treat me badly and then don't tell me why. They expect me to know. Like I can read minds and tell what I have done wrong. I am just as human as the next person, I have feelings, even though I might hide the fact. I make mistakes, I mess up, who doesn't? At least have the courtesy to tell me what I have done wrong and let me apologize so that we can go back to being friends. Don't shun me and treat me like some sort of outcast with the plague...
Aih... Sometimes I feel like I hang around people who don't understand me la... I haven't been through school and all, I was taken out after Standard 5 and put into homeschooling. Like, real homeschooling, that you do in your house. So my only source of social communication was BB. And all of my friends are mainly from BB. So, naturally it would be that I really care about the friends I have in BB... Coz they're pretty much all I have...
Please try to understand where I am coming from la... I haven't got as many friends as you, but I try to keep the ones I have close to me... Coz I treasure them so much and love them so much... please try to reciprocate those feelings.
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| Tagged by Christine Kan... Jibudeh~
10 weird things, habits and little facts about me.
Rules and regulations:
Each player of this game start off with 10 weird things, habits and little known facts about themselves. People who get tagged need to write a post on their own 10 weird things, habits and little known facts as stated in this rule clearly. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.
1. I randomly SMS people to talk to them, I like keeping in touch at random times XD
2. I am a softy when it comes to cute things :3
3. I am really good with directions, take me there once and I'd probably get back there... unlike Christine XD
4. I drive too fast :P
5. I've always wanted to have a doggeh... but I live in an apartment 20 stories above the ground =(
6. I sing in the shower... loudly
7. I like pampering people I love... unfortunately no one to pamper right now
8. I bite my nails a lot
9. I use XD too much XD XD XD XD
10. I'm actually a really shy guy when I'm with people I don't know.
I tagg..
...
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DARN YOU CHRISTINE I HAVE NO ONE TO TAG NOW!~
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| OK OK, I know this is kinda late and everyone else has already written about it, but I want to write about how I felt during the course of this wonderful achievement for His glory.
In the beginning, I was like Kweng, I thought that we had no time and that everyone was being a little too ambitious. I thought, " What la all these people, we have only 2 months and hardly anything is done... I mean, WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY SONGS!" But I realize now that the faith I needed to have was not there. I just followed along doing things and coming for the meetings like a good little (MAJOR understatement) lackey does. Then came the real test of my willingness to give it up for God. I was really proud of my guitar playing skills, I thought that I was the best choice to play for Worship Rally. Little did I know what God had instore for this vessel. It was during one of the normal meetings, we were choosing songs and the musicians. When it came to the musicians, I was waiting for my name to come up. Obviously it didn't. I was confused and my ego was really hurt. I went home bitter and disappointed. My big fat ego was so wounded that I actually told Eunice I was out. I didn't want to do anything in the worship rally if it didn't conform with my plans. How wrong I was. That night, I talked with Mark and he told me to look at it differently, maybe I wasn't supposed to play the guitar, maybe I was needed somewhere else. I doubted that, but listened all the same. That night, I felt something inside me saying, "Apologies to her, you were out of line, ask to be let back in, but in any area that you are needed." I didn't think that was what I wanted, but I did it all the same. So then I was in the "unassigned" category.
So I was going about not thinking about what I had done and where I was in the Worship Rally. Then one day, I get an e-mail from Eunice entitled "wroship rally". I didn't really know what to expect when I opened it, and I really didn't expect what I read:
MR IAN CHEAH KIAN MUN MUN MUN
- hahahaha.. surprise... i know you are either gonna be jumping for joy or very shock or dumbfounded or speechless when u see your job. you will HAVE TO BE MY PERSONAL ASSISTANT AND TRANSPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHA!!!!(Ian's note: Not the important part XD although I was happy to help :) ) jk jk... k.. get ready.......
i need you to worship lead with maka. or u can say co lead. or lead together. or lead. whatever. coz i have thought about it and discussed it with mark and maka. and they both agree that you will be capable.and i saw the way you lead during founders day. and to my surprise, i think u are capable of leading this worship together with maka and a few others. however, i hope that you will not get this into your head and know that you are doing this for God. you will also be training with the vocals and yes.. tortured by me. so yea.. if you have any objections or anything just let me know.
This e-mail just shocked my to my bones. I couldn't believe it. Then, as I was thinking, "Wow, I so chun man!" A little voice told me,"No, HE is so chun man" I just froze. I then realized what the little voice was (yeah, I was kinda blurr XD) it was the Holy Spirit. I had given up on the worship rally, but He hadn't given up on me. He had a plan for me in that rally, a plan I had no idea I was part of. This was the start of something that has change me forever.
So I was "co-leader" of the worship rally. I told myself," Ian, this is God's calling on you. You weren't chosen because you're good or the best. You were chosen because God wants you there. You are doing this for him, not yourself. Don't get to full of it." This helped me because I have a horrible habit of getting too full of myself and getting all big headed. I had to remind myself that God was the one who put me there and He was the one who was in control.
So the practices came and went, the day came and the pressure got higher. What if I mess up? What if I fail? What if I make mistakes? Then Madam Angie called us to have a prayer session and Mark prayed over all of us. I felt this peace come over me, like someone was saying to me,"Dude, you'll do fine, I'm with you." I felt so calm and ready to go up there and lead those people into his presence. I went up there and before I started I said," God, this is for you, take this vessel and make it Your's" I sang my heart out. I didn't care what people saw, I was worshiping Him. After the worship the skit came up. And like Kweng said, they did really well. I actually had tears in my eyes when I was the part when the girl rund towards Jesus. It was beautiful.
Then Ps. Terry came to give his talk. It was on about centres. What is your centre? Money? Power? Fame? Love? What ever it is, it doesn't matter if you dont have God as your centre. As he was finishing up, he called my name. I sat up straight as a board, I could feel a connection between me and Terry, or not Terry, the One who was speaking through him. He told me that I have been sacrificing so much for God, but nothing seemed to change. I was getting frustrated with all of it, that people still looked at me the same. He told me to stop trying to look good in their eyes, he told me to stop trying to be who they want me to be, and start being who HE want's me to be. Who God wants me to be. I need to centre my life on Him. 2009 is my year, he said.
That hit me like a bullet to the heart. It was so true! I felt that way. I felt that all I was doing was going in circles... Being bad, then being good, then falling back down to bad again. I was sick of it. But when he said to centre myself on God, everything clicked. I was living for myself, I needed to live for HIM. I was dumbfounded. I just sat there nodding my head like some goblok.
So that's it, that's what happened to me during the course of Worship Rally. I am so grateful for all the people who shared this with me, especially Eunice. She's the one who gave me the chance, she's the one who actually listen to God and put me where I was. She's the one who WORKED SO HARD, you have no idea... Eunice, you are awesome :) Thank you for being such an amazing friend to me.
Well, that's the end of this long long post XD. But before I go, I have one more Person to thank.
Dear God, You are so good to me, even when I was so far away, you brought me back to You. I thank You with all I am that you love me and want to see me at the bast I can be. I love you and thatnk You for this Rally which has changed my life. I want to live with you as the centre of my life. Amen
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